I suffer from anxiety. Nothing dramatic, it’s just that sometimes having two kids and a part-time job and a husband who seems allergic to the dishwasher, gets on top of me.
I used to smoke, and now I miss smoking. When I was stressed I would go outside and take a few deep breaths of tar and other carcinogenic poisons and then life wouldn’t seem so stressful. So, logically, meditation should be a good replacement. You know, because it involves walking away from everything and breathing and…pretty much the whole thing apart from the poison.
But meditation is hard. I go into the bedroom, close the door and sit cross-legged on a yoga mat. Then I focus on my breathing. I’ve used loads of techniques to increase my focus and stop myself from getting distracted.
Spoiler alert: none of them worked.
My brain seems permanently wired to focus on the next thing I should do after I finish meditating. While I’m supposed to be getting all Zen, all I can think of is the load of washing that hasn’t been hung out, the report that was due for work last week, and the dishwasher.
Why can’t he just put his dishes in the dishwasher? The clue is in the name; it washes dishes.
A friend of mine told me that I should try walking meditation. This involves paying attention to my steps, rather than my breath and I figured that relaxing while getting outside was a great idea. I started walking, counting my steps, being outside, and about five minutes into my walk I realised that not only was I thinking about the stuff I needed to do, but also how far away from those things I now was. 487 steps away.
I’ll keep trying, mainly because one of my best friends likes to condescend to me as if she has reached Nirvana. “Oh Hannah, you’ll get there.”
If I didn’t love her so much I would probably choke her with those meditation beads she constantly plays with.
I’ve recently downloaded a couple of meditation apps and will keep you posted on how I go with them. Also, any advice will be gratefully received.